How would u describe this feeling...
When all this while u were into this A things...buying this A things..then out of the blue u got attracted to this B thing...without any doubts n more thinking..u just grabbed it n enjoyed! But few months later...u realized...u got doubt in the choice u made..u become confused n start to ask urself..did u made the right purchased..did u choose the best..
Everything seem to be upside down..u wanted to start from the start...but u dont know how..u just dont know how......

Watch "Lawson - When She Was Mine" on YouTube

My lamest weekend.!

8th & 9th December 2012..the lamest weekend ever!

Sleep~wake up~bath~eat~online~sleep~wake up~bath~eat~online~sleep!

The cycle goes on and on till i do not know what else could i do more..seriously this is killing me!!

I really need a sweet escape.
Having 12 hours class is much better than stuck in the room doing nothing.!

I wish i'm home..yes home!

Another 2 more week to go..

Then finally i'm home! :)

' i'm officially missing you '

this song is stuck in my head..
can't stop listening to it..been playing it since this morning.
the song that you'll never get tired of listening.

" when your love ran away...it is never easy to let go.
You said u'll over it..
You never thought it going to be painful..
Letting go and getting over everything is never easy!
Every little things that he or she been doing will always keep on lingering..
It take times to heal..
You will never satisfied with the reason for all that happened..
Eventually, u will missing him/her over and over again..coz your heart never willing to let it go...."

my lil thought on the song... :)


****************
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It won't go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
And today
I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don't even know you at all
I don't know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it's safe to say baby safe to say
That I'm officially missing you

Oh can't nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I'm officially

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that's something I just can't do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can't find a way
To let go of you

It's official
You know that I'm missing you 
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I'm officially missing you

************************

Officially Missing You : Tamia

Another cover by JS :
 i always love this version!

Finally December is here! 3 months since my last update. :)

The best month of the year!

December started with a comeback.. a comeback that i will never expected to come!

Christmas...
The best time of the year..!

Christmas wishlist..will blog about it in the next update..:)

* May miracle comes this Christmas! * crossed my fingers *
Love myself..
Love my mummy..
Love my daddy..
Love Brenda..
Love Audrey..
Love my family ..
Love my bffs.. * Syl, Fie, Jess, Bel, Dex, Yvon, Lon...*
Love my friends...
Love everyone..!

Jesus my Saviour
My Lord and My King
Insulted, rejected
for all our sins
Knowing pain
He went through it all
So I turn to Jesus
He's there when I fall

(chorus)
Lord I need you
Lord I cry out to you
My only refuge
from this world
Lord I need you
Lord I cry out to you
My only shelter
my hope and saviour

Jesus my comfort
my strength and my shield
Sorrow and sadness
He knows how I feel
Knowing my struggles
He went through it all
So I turn to Jesus
Who's been there before.

* Herman Kim, Turn To Jesus *

Every pain..every misery, every problems...all i can do is Pray...

I turn to you my almighty Lord Jesus.

You're my savior, 

You're my refuge,

You're my light..

The light that shine on me all the time..

Love me, have mercy on me, heal me and save me from all those misery..

Only to you i turn my life on.

Without you, i would lost.

Try to keep myself on the right track..to keep my faith on you.

To love, to serve n to live with you.

Lord Jesus, i'll come to you.

Lead me the way, so i found love and peace on you.

Forgive me for all i did..

Help me discover the way..

Help me to choose the path..

Help me to be the one..

One who have faith, love and mercy.

Lead me not to the evil but give me the best i can have.

In you..I have my faith!

Amen..

* Laurentia Abun *

2.26 p.m

7 December 2012.

Courtesy from : JS YouTube channel..

Turn to Jesus..

after a month...i finally have time to update my blog..
well..i'm still alive! haha..i'm living that good life!
nothing much changed...everything goes well..
Potential Day..RMWF..
that's all i got in July.
the best thing about July is...i found myself. I know what i need n i know what i should let go of.
cleansing n rejuvenating...haha...
i guess i'm getting over you. thank you..
N Ian.. i owed you a lot..u really are a good friend.
I'll make sure you get the benefit for what you have did to me. well..u know who you are.

it's been a while i did not update my blog..been busy i guess..
yah...my practicum started last July. n my observer is someone..a man...a male who those seniors fear the most..hell yeah...idk..i think i deserved to be observe by him..he is just being strict n doing his work the right way. as long as u got ur work done..u're fine..well, everyone want that right..their work to be done..
for me..as long as i got it done...it's good enough.
just dont be those foolish self-proclaimed divas, angels n saints. promised everything but done nothing. what a stupid n foolish acts..
Self proclaimed divas, angels & saints...promise everything, done nothing. i guess nothing is happier than being part of this dramas n lies..I'm happy watching this..it's a GREAT show..round of applause to those who's involved..thank you..:)

one day..one time..u will know why n u will get a taste of it...
damn..i've been dreaming about u lately n how stupid i am..chasing u in my dream.haiz..maybe im thinking too much.. well..i never is lucky enough but hell yeah...i growing stronger day by day..i know..i love u but i hope u love me likes i love u...well..mr k..i love you..

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most

if u didn't cry in 30 seconds watching this..you are HEARTLESS!

watching this makes me sad and at the same time i somehow love this song.

what hurts me the most is watching you walk away from my life..coz for the past fews months we were the closest person ever..:'(

a day of recovery..:)

i just don't know whether i should stop or just keep playing games with him? well...i admitted that we had a great day today with him. Picked him up from the airport n straight went for my medical checked-up..then we spent our whole evening together...talking about everything. oh my! he made me fall deeply for him. sometimes i just wonder whether he still want me or whether he wanna get rid of our relationship...seriously..when i looked into his eyes..when we kissed..i still can feel the passionated n his love.. oh god..just show me the right way...
the whole night i prayed n prepared myself for a break-up..but Thanks God..i am feeling so happy today. If he is meant for me...God just show me the right way.if he is not..then please makes me be strong for it!
Seriously piggy..i fall in love with u again today..n the exact moment when u hold my hands tight n kissed me..!

having a feeling towards both sexes is kinda -_-! 

out of 10 peoples..there is 1 or 2 who are &*&*..

finally..i come clean. all this while i never blog about my real attraction. I'm scare they might judge me. This is the reason why i broke up with Mac..i don't have feeling for him anymore coz he asked me to choose...being straight or being this. I chosed to stay. I know it was a tough decision but i knew i have to be true to my own feeling. I know i broke your heart Mac. N i realized how much you loved me. 

 Alright..to be clear.. i am a bisexual. I am attracted to both sexes. 

seriously..i do like n ever fall for a girl. a girl that really blew me over. she got the best pairs of brown eyes..a cherry-red lips..the cutest round face ever n she got the body that every girl kill for! well..i'll kill anyone just to have that body..don't get me wrong..it's not that i wanna shag her..i just want a body likes her..that's all. 

well..i did fall in love with her secretly..but i never tell anyone about this except for my own bffs. but they understand me, they just gave me those blur faces n OK..we're done. we're done..it does not mean that our friendship is over..it means that they have to swallow this awful truth. 

i did kissed a girl..if u guys wonder.. yes..i did.. i kissed a girl. i thought i was gonna lose my head off but seriously..it just as same as how i kiss my bf! lets just skipped this..well it's just a kiss!

till now..i still attracted to girl.. i used to mesmerize their beauty n their gracefulness. i know..i'm not one of them..that's why i adore these qualities. n seriously..i wanna protect them from all those merciless n heartless blocks! 

hell yeah...i never know what is happening to me right now...but seriously..every time i feel so heartbroken or having a bad day with guy, the more i'm into my lesbi side. i guess my other half helps me to go through all the HELL that guys gave to me. i wanna feel loved n love someone but i usually failed. My other half just told me to be wise n strong. even i failed many times but there is always sunshine after rained. it helps me to forget all the things that guys ever did to me. make me more appreciated n loves myself more. its not normal but i'm happy to have this other side of me. it helps me to be strong.

Preparing myself for a heartbreak..

prepare yourself for a heartbreak? seriously?? Likes no one ever do this i guess.. tehee...i am doing this..
i know...it gonna end so soon..maybe tomorrow or maybe tonight..or maybe next week.. i just have to prepare myself for this. great..
well..to be honest..i am not well-prepared..seriously...i'm still hoping but hell yeah..i'm sick of hoping..n i know i got to be back instantly..back to reality!
trying to stay calm..positive..happy n try to get it all in my own control! to be in control actually!
yes..i know..with God's willing n determination..i'm sure..i gonna go through this with arms wide open..
eemm...maybe i'll be crying but not for long i guess coz i've been crying for the past few weeks..n i realized this relationship is not going anywhere..coz u got her..thank you for every single things that u h=gave me..all the moments we had are the best n always gonna be the sweetest memoirs ever.
promise myself to be strong, stay calm n be optimistic! tehheeeee! :)
I am prepare even i'm not 100%!

_________________________
I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to: http://s.exps.me

Being loved by someone you love is a bless but being in love with someone who don’t love you back is pathetic.

Where can I run n hide? Where can I go?

Can you love me? Can I be yours?

How pathetic is that..To ask someone that u love to love u back.

A cruel world to me..sometimes I blame myself for falling in love.. I should have been more heartless. Likes what Ian’s told me. Harden your heart as hard as the rock..

Yes..Ian..it is easy to be said but not to be done. Especially when u were in a relationship for the past 5 years. The feeling of needing and wanted to be love is always there with me.

They say u can’t break heart that are already broken..wrong…you can..the broken pieces will turn to ashes n dusts..

This thing is really stress me out. I told myself that I won’t miss you but I remember what it’s feel right beside you.

Maybe this is the price that I got for all the sins that I’ve made before. I really need courage n strength to get through all the tests that u have given up to me. I try not to cry but how long could i stand?

I gonna live my life no matter what happen..even when I really want stop hoping..stop trying.. No matter how hard I try..how hard I hope..how hard I pray..life never that easy to me. God just send me your blessing n help me to be strong. Help me in my mission to have a better life. I know that everything happened for reason. I accept it if he is not meant for me even I really wish that I could be with him.

God bless him for who he is. He will always be my piggy. I will always remember all the good things n happy moments that we had.

_________________________
I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to: http://s.exps.me

Gossip Girls XOXO!

My partner in crime..

My best girlfriend..

My fashion-police..

My gossip girl..

My best friend..

My shopping partner..

My sister in God..

My enemy..

My rival..

My biased..

My other half..

My bride-maid to be..

My Valentine..

My joy..

My love..

My true friend!

Only death do us apart..:)

  

Can i curse him to death?

can't sleep...sigh...
deep down my heart is full of anger...deep down i wanna curse him...but hell yeah..i know...it's not a good thing to do...
how can i deal with this? feel wanna go n slash his fresh meat with a sharp samurai...
i wish i can! this wound is bleeding again!
traumatic! i feel wanna rip my heart out n feeling heartless all the time..

i'm no God...n God would never do such thing likes i wish to do.. i just can pray to god n help me to get through this... stop my my tears from dropping out again n again..every single day hoping for your text..just a text is enough to make me smile...even just to say..YAYA PIGGY! damn..i hate myself..falling for someone who is not mine...every day i pray to Him to help me so that i won't be this hurt...

please...gives me the way to move on n be likes before..
every night..i feel like i'm an astronaut..sending SOS from this lonely planet n hoping to come down to meet the other earthling..rather than being all alone in this dusty planet..

It's Tuesday...emm...Mr Lim gonna come today..yup..his second observation on my practicum. Well...i hope i am well prepared even though not 100%..but hell yeah..i somehow feel that i am ready..fully ready...

Woke up checked both of my phone..*sigh* emm..closed my eyes back n lied down for another 5 minutes.. i sound pathetic..no sms neither missed call from anyone especially him..where have u been...? are u still alive?? I know he is..

Got up from my bed n straight to shower. My mind keep on playing this stupid love song while i'm having my shower. I lied to myself n i told myself every single day, every single times that i'm OK with it. Got dressed n had a cup of hot milo before i hit the road! A cup of Milo plus 10 pills of Spirullina's help me on the track for the whole day! 

What a bright day...sight-seeing while driving all my way to school. What a beautiful country-side! 

My day started as early as 730am. I wondered is Mr Lim really comes today? emm...i hope he does..

n yup..my predicament was right..he came but quite late..so the observation went on...

12p.m! finally...the class has ended! but not so fast..i cannot just wrap up all my stuff n dash home..i still have an after-observation session with Mr Lim. It is a reflection on what did i taught, how was my class management n my lesson plans of cause! bla..bla..bla...ok! all done..now i'm ready to go home! 1.30pm..emm..everyone left..just me..all alone..waiting for Lofrine to come n pick me up. 

someday..somehow...i gonna make it alright..
i will stand up tall and be the luckiest girl ever..
i know...i can make it. i can survive this reality..
i am stronger ..much much stronger than i ever thought i was...
i just need to love myself more..love my family n my friends!
be tough..harden my heart likes the rock...be more matured...never easily tear up...
smile and be optimistic in my daily life..
i promise myself to be a better person..never rely on those who does't even care about me..or whoever looks down on me..
be blessed n happy with who i am..:)

emmm...i guess the world is not that cruel....i'm happy..i'm still alive..actually i'm quite worry..there is something in my right's boob...i just don't dare to go on for a check up..i'm too scare..it started since July 2011...my gfs told me to go for a check up..but hell yeah..i'm so freakin out..i'm to scare to step into those hospitals nor clinics..i just hope it is not...you know what i mean right...pray that i have the courage to go on a check up n pay it is just a normal lump...:) Amen..God bless everyone..

Backstreet Boys - Incomplete Lyrics =]

I tried to go on like i never knew you..I'm awake but my world is half asleep..I've preyed for this heart to be unbroken..:"(

I guess it will end soon..

I hate the feeling of heartbreak..and yet..i'm still compelled to go over and over our memories, ideas or fantasies..which make me feel even worse..why i'm keep on doing this?
It is indeed..a disease that you feel exquisitely painful till you wanna rip off your heart out. You cannot find any injury on any part of your body..physically you're find and healthy. But emotionally..you are really in a big pain. A pain that takes you more than time to heal.
It is the emotion that you have to deal with. Sometimes it makes you wanna give up on your life..you feel that your whole world is crumbles down n your legs can't even reach the ground. You feel that your whole supply of fresh air is been cut off.. You will feel that you barely feel your own heartbeats..you are hardly speak out what you wanted to spit out..you will feel that you are been stab straight to your heart..the pain is just so hard to explain.. You are really in a big emotional pain. 
This pain..you cannot just heal it within hours or just a week..it takes you forever to forget about it. Even you are finally heal but deep down..the hole is still there..it will become bigger n deeper every time you get your heart broken by those merciless heartless creature who does not know what is love..what it is feel likes to be appreciate.. Those merciless heartless creature..u shouldn't be exist in this world..because of YOU the world is no longer a peaceful place. Hatred started to grow everywhere. SIGH..that is the fact..the fact that i have to live with. 
The thing is..i just don't know what is happening now..I have already know the consequences if i fall in love with you..i knew it from the very first you told me you somehow got a feeling on me..but i dared myself to jump into this hot-burning tub. I thought it was just for fun..first it was fun..then it turn out to be REAL.."what happen to the fun?" Ian said to me.. I guess it turned to be something real..some kind of...the feeling is just likes the one that i ever had 7 years ago..2006..where i first met Govin..my first true love..but hell yeah..he left me for someone much older..*Life is cruel, does it?* Now i got that feeling...when i was with Mac..i don't even feel likes this..that is why me n Mac lasted for only a year plus..our relationship was likes..only to fulfill each other loneliness..the feeling is different..it does not felt the same likes i felt with Govin..i guess i still in love with Govin..yes..i do remember our best moments together sometimes..I'm so sorry Mac.. After i decided to end up my relationship with Mac..there comes you..YUP..YOU! You came as a friend..a stranger that i have known for long ago but we never speak up nor smile at each other. N yes..i do know you..you are his cousin..Govin's cousin..first cousin n i used to meet you when i'm still with him. Meeting you at the first place was never been plan..it was all your brother's fault..He made you as his replacement to pick me out n brought me to dinner..heemmmm..at first..i was too shy n thing got very awkward ..i barely chewed my food..n i almost got myself chocked..LOL. I thought you were the kind of guy that i can't never get along with. I still remember one of you sms to me..before you went to pick me up " What language should i talk with you? " i was LOL n almost had a tummy-ache for laughing out so hard. the weirdest n funniest sms ever..i still keep it..:) Our night out was great. Dinner was great even though i hardly eat..n then we headed to the mall...loitered around n end up in this cafe, drinking beers n getting to know each other more, n it was still in the state of AWKWARD. Thing got a lil bit friendly when we both went to this club..a glass of Tequilla..we were still smiling n talking likes a normal person does..the 3rd glass...we were out of no where in this earth. "you are a good catcher..you never let me fall on my knees.." n the rest were history! It thought that when the night is over..it will end too..but i'm wrong..we become more than just a friend till now..You told me..i can consider you as my temporary boyfriend..u treat me likes your own.you care for me..you laugh and you smile with me..you have made fall..falling into deep...deep into the trouble that i have already know what the consequences are. Now, i'm just too confuse..what am i to you..am i just a friend? coz you are more than just a friend in my heart. I am too scare to lose you. I am afraid i might lose you one day..*actually i know..that one day, all of this will be over.* coz you are own by her. not by me..even though i hope that one day you will be mine but i know..it is such a selfish act/thought to do that..i know how hurt it is when your boy is snatch away from you..I have felt that..*Govin was snatched away from me* i told myself..to let God help me to deal with this..If you are meant for me..you will always be mine..but if you are belong to her..then you shall be hers forever. I don't wanna be mean even though there is a DEVIL in me that keep hoping for you to end up with her n be with me forever. What a thoughtless thought i have! 
The world  seems to laugh out loud n saying how foolish i am for falling for you..but i made myself deaf n blind..i know...God is merciful..He is good all the time.. God has planned something for me..He surely help me to get through this misery..as long as i have faith n trust in Him.  I just have to deal with my emotion all by myself. Seeking help from my girlfriends surely help to calm me but i know..only me. myself n i could help me to stand up again, to face the world once more. Give me the wisdom to face this..If he is for me..i promise to love him till the end..but if he is hers..i promise to let him go without grudge even though i'm in pain. Love is not always about you being with him together..but it is all about making those you love happy even you have to sacrifice your own happiness. 

The world is crumbles on me but i will always hold on to the final piece! :)

_________________________
I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to: http://s.exps.me

Heartbreak..it is indeed strange and yet painful..but you cannot find any injury on your body. It is a big emotional pain. A pain that seems to spark off hundreds of different feelings. 

if i can say I LOVE YOU to u..i would be so happy even just once..:)
i miss u load n i love u so much! :) Thank you for all the things that u gave me..

Ian's Words..

late night..i text him..asking if he is free to text me..
he said "yes".
the only person that i could think of now is Ian..he was the only one that could gives me some pieces of advices..
So there i was..telling him from A-Z..asking for his advice..seek for his help...what should i do..
At first the conversation does not start quite well...yah..i sms-ed him i need help to hate people..so he did replied me back..Sorry..i don't have time for that if u wanna hate people...*sigh*
But Ian never failed to give me "a very good" advices..he surely will helped me with his words. I'm so glad he is there to help me..:)
:)

thank you Ian for helping me..i feel better with you words even it is not 100%...
You are a very good friend indeed..

_________________________
I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to: http://s.exps.me

i never cry since i broke up with Govin...i never cry this hard..tears this much...since he left me..but now..another guy have made me cry..again...my heart..it falls into pieces...it breaks apart...my heart is crying...n i can't stop it anymore... u came into my life... u gave me the light that i've been looking for...now..u are taking it back slowly...i should not fall for you at the first place..i know ur love for her is so strong..u n her...been together for years...n me..? i'm just a girl who passed by in your life..
i guess..i have to deal with this myself...all alone...
u left a big hole in me..the hole that made me drowning for your love...:'(
i fake a smile so no one will know how hurt i am..i just want you to know..i love you with all my heart even you're just my temporary boyfriend..Kevin..i love you..;"(

i just hate myself...i don't hate you...it's not your fault! it is mine!!!!! fuck off! i think i've gone insane...i am going to be insane......mr kbks! i just love u...but i know..i've made a fool out of myself...im just a fool! a fool for falling for you...

Simple Plan - No Love Lyrics

my life is perfect n happy but you came...n you've made me tumble upside down..
now..i just can't live without you even i know..you will never be mine..can't you give me just a chance to love you?

i feel wanna cry..cry..cry..cry..in fact, while typing this..i'm crying my heart out....

saw your post in your FB..u are having some happy time with her..humm..how i wish it is me...

i just couldn't help myself from tearing up! in fact...i hate myself..i hate you..i hate everything..

a sharp knife just stabbed me straight to my heart...

i really feel so stupid...feel likes a fool!!!

i know this gonna happen...i know..i can even see it coming..but why did i let myself stuck up in this...i know u would't mind bout it..i know u never care about me likes you care about her...

God..help me to get through this...Please...:'(

The Lima Separuh Masa Lirik

Is this the best to describe us?? hummmm!!

nahhhhh!

yahhh..i'm so mean! i really want you to be mine...just mine..i really want you to tell me that i'm the only one you love n kiss forever!!

this picture is just enough to show how much i want you!

"Astronaut"

Can anybody hear me?
Or am I talking to myself?
My mind is running empty
In the search for someone else
Who doesn't look right through me.
It's all just static in my head
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down? (come down)
'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round (and round)
Can I please come down?

I'm deafened by the silence
Is it something that I've done?
I know that there are millions
I can't be the only one who's so disconnected
It's so different in my head.
Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite?

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot
Can I please come down? (come down)
'Cause I'm tired of drifting around and round (and round)
Can I please come down?

Now I lie awake and scream in a zero gravity
And it's starting to weigh down on me.
Let's abort this mission now
Can I please come down?

So tonight I'm calling all astronauts
All the lonely people that the world forgot
If you hear my voice come pick me up
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

And tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
And I lost all signal when I lifted up
Now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot

'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut
Sending SOS from this tiny box
To the lonely people that the world forgot
Are you out there?
'Cause you're all I've got!

Can I please come down?
'Cause I'm tired of drifting round and round.
Can I please come down? [x3]

*courtesy from Simple Plan

I never want to be likes an astronaut..but this is the feeling that i have to deal with..every single days....................!

i miss you!

piggy...piggy...
i'm so f*cked up! this feeling is..i just can't describe it...mixed feeling..I'm mad+happy+sad+excited...all in one time...
i know i shouldn't fall for you! damn hell is approaching me..i'm stealing someone's bf! omg!!
i hate it when you ignored me..i hate it when you didn't sms me..but i know..i'm nobody to you...
i'm always waiting n waiting for you to text or calling me..you never know how much happy i am when you sms me even just to say u're home...i'm so happy when you hug n kiss me...i just love the way you treat me..but hell yeah..i'm not urs..n u will never be mine.
Ian's once told me..you know what you should do n you should understand how's the girl feels!
yes Ian! i know...n i understand...i know he's not mine..but i love him...it's too late...the fun had become love..real feeling..real love...:( how i wish i can stop this..i never want to start this but i'm so sorry...i've fall for him...
i woke up every morning..asks myself...why do i do this to myself..do this to his girl..do this to him...why...i guess i never can find the answer...i'll let it to God to lead me out from this relationship...

Piggy..! dang..i miss you calling me this.. Piggy...Piggy...:)

i wish..

i wish i can hold your hands forever..

i wish i can kiss you every day..

i wish i can talk all day n all night with you..

i wish i can hug u tight never let got.

i wish i can hear you calling me everyday..

i just wish you are mine...not her! :(

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i just want you to know..

Mr Boyfie..

i just want you to know...

1. I do love you

2. I love you so much

3. I miss you 

4. I miss you every single times 

5. I appreciate all the things you did to me

6. I never ever want to leave you

7. I thank you for the good love n everything you showed me

8. I never mean to hurt you

9. I never ever want to make you sad

10. I did it for the sake of yourself

i have my reason for all the things that i did n i'll gonna do in the future..but remember..i will always love you forever..

Monday Blues!

 I may not living in luxurious & glamorous..I may lead the simplest way of life..I sometimes become the black sheep in my society..my hairstyle n way of dress up sometimes caught the attention of fashion's police..my thoughts n ideas may end up rejected by others..my man is not the most handsome man alive nor the strongest or Calvin Klein's Model..My job could be the most common job in the world..sometimes i got rejected n hurt in any ways..or thing just gone wrong...but i'm happy with it because of those simple things, my life is interesting! Feel bless! 
My Facebook's Status for Monday, 20th February 2012..it means a lot to me.!

ALi ft. Yong Jun Hyung - Don't Act Foolish MV Eng Sub & Romanization Lyrics

Even your heart is hurt...don't cry..

Even you feel wanna die...don't die..

Even when they wanna leave...let them go..

Even if you wanna hold on them..DON'T..

Farewell are likes this..at first it really. really hurt.

The sky are falling and everything else crashes..its all chaos.

At times you can't sleep because you are mad and sometimes you can't sleep because you miss them so much.

And then it all starts to fade after that..

Even you had a break-up..don't let your emotion breaks u down.

There is always a sunshine after rain..:)

ALi ft. Yong Jun Hyung - Don't Act Foolish MV Eng Sub & Romanization Lyrics

Even your heart is hurt...don't cry..

Even you feel wanna die...don't die..

Even when they wanna leave...let them go..

Even if you wanna hold on them..DON'T..

Farewell are likes this..at first it really. really hurt.

The sky are falling and everything else crashes..its all chaos.

At times you can't sleep because you are mad and sometimes you can't sleep because you miss them so much.

And then it all starts to fade after that..

Even you had a break-up..don't let your emotion breaks u down.

There is always a sunshine after rain..:)

Hinder - Without You

This song been lingering in my mind...it does remind me of you....

I guess i'm fine without you...

What...7 years plus..likes OMG! what have i done...it is only me to be blame or who...geez...if only my past relationship never end up..we could have been 6 years now...i just wish we never end up..coz he is the reason i become this...he made my life tumble upside down..how i wish i could rebuild our relationship sometimes..so i won't end up being the third person...now...haiz..i know how bad it is being the third person a.k.a SNATCHER! 


coz my past relationship..my true love was snatched away from me..by the third person...n that made me hurt so much..until now..it was never that easy to forgive n forget..sometimes it lingers in my mind..tears falling down...heart felt the pain..the wound bleeds again..well i guess it is true..it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.


boy..u made me fall for you..you treat me likes your own..you gave me what it called LOVE..you care for me..you made me laugh..you sacrificed your time for me..you made me miss you..you made me smile..n most important, your kiss makes me feel in love..deeply in love..i try my best to avoid this but i was to weak for this..


i am so sorry girl for doing this to you...i never meant to do this...yes..i fall for him..but i know..he is yours..he will never be mine...i promise i will back off..even i know it is hard to do that coz i keep on falling n falling into him..just please give me a chance to love him..to care for him..even from far..


I'M GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE ME BACK, JUST LET ME LOVE YOU..

My heart can't lie but my mind plays trick on me..

The hardest thing in life is when u have to decide what is the best for u n those around u..

Your heart says it is right but your mind just says NO..that what make it difficult!

Whether u make it follow what your heart says or making the right choice with a rational thinking..

I just couldn't decide what should i do..which should i follow...my heart or my mind?

My heart just can't deny how much i want him..how much i miss him..how much i fall for him..how much i need him by my side...i just can't lie that i don't need him at all.

I miss his laugh, i miss his kiss, i miss his smile, i miss his jokes..n i miss him in every single way.

My mind said the opposite..he's not mine...he is owned by other. He will never can't be mine..coz if he do..i will end up breaking those fragile hearts around him. I don't wanna be the sharp knife of a short life. I don't want to hurt those around him. 

But still, i can't decide what i should do..which should i follow..i hate to see him sad but i don't want to hurt those around him. The guiltiness in me is really making me feeling insecure n paranoid. I don't want to end this relationship but i know i can't be with him forever. He is not mine..n never can't be mine..

I don't want to be a murderer. I am so sorry for doing this. Even i know it is so hard for me to let you go but i know i need to let you go one day..:'(

God..please shows me the right way..gives me your light to get through this dark path..send me an angel to guide me in this life. God, i just want him to know i will always love n remember him forever even we are not meant to be ONE..:)

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The best time i can cry myself out is when i'm driving alone from school..i would drive n crying at the same time..
the only place i can cry alone without no one knowing it... i just don't know to who should i share my problems..i rather cry all alone in the car.
fake a smile and try myself to be happy..
5 days a week..i guess i cry in every single day after work....
I just wish i could tell someone how i feel...what in my mind...but i don't know to who i should...n i end up hurting myself...i just couldn't do..n i hate myself...LOVEY-DOVEY mode is always there with me..everyday..I just hate myself for this...
Cry..cry...can u feel it in my eyes that i actually crying inside...i may look happy but yeah..i'm too good to be true..
I cry inside but i never show it to u..i will always make myself to be funny n act silly..i guess i never that lucky likes her..like them..like u..! I try to cope up with thing n try to be someone better..
I just hold on to my faith n try to be the happiest girl..try my best to make myself smile n laugh even i know sometimes it's FAKE..

Untitled.

is it wrong for me to love someone's else lover? I fall in love...is it wrong for me to fall in love?  is it wrong for me to have feeling towards him? well..i guess..it is true..that love is BLIND..u never know who u will fall for..who will u in love with..
i wish he is mine..but i know u are someone's else. i don't have the right to own u...
you're presence still lingers here..your kiss..your touch..your smile...i just could not forget that..they just too much of time cannot erase..

i feel likes a BITCH for doing this..having feeling towards you..snatching him from his love's one!.oh did i?.yes..i did..betrayed the trust n faith that they built years n years...God just help me to forget him and move on.. i don't wanna be the 3rd person. i don't want to ruin his relationship. i'm just a stranger passing by...please help me to move away n carry on with my own life.
give me way..give me the right choice..give me someone who can save me..i just don't want to ruin his relationship. i know how it feel when your relationship is ruin by the 3rd person..it really does hurt me that much..

i do believe in KARMA..n i'm scare it might come back to me one day.  Just give me a way to walk away from this. I love him but does he loves me? Or am i just a passer by in his life? when i'm with him, i feel secure, i feel so in love. he treats me likes his own..he makes me feel so happy n most of all, he makes me laugh a lot.:)

hummm..i thank you God for giving me chance to be with him even it is just a while n i know it is so wrong..but i really hope i will find someone else to love me..

I'm so sorry but yes..i love you even i know i am wrong!

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2012

2012 is finally here..

Thank You God for this new year. 
Thank you coz i'm still breathing, still alive, still talking, still walking, still moving, still thinking, still smilling, still laughing  and still eating likes a lil piggy of coz!!.
Thank you for making me for who i am.


 My new year resolution ~~ i guess it is still gonna be the same. I mean some of last year are still...hanging by the thread..**mission impossible never finish** I guess i have to RECYCLE all those unfinished monkey business again n again n again till i grow old..HAHA..


This year i gonna start up with my saving..for the past 3 years, i end up being the foolish shopaholic ever.. i spent my cash till the last penny without even thinking of what gonna happen in the future. I need..i mean i really need to save money this year..who know i might get married soon..n what happen if i don't even have saving..? All my dream wedding will gone just likes that. I can't just depending on mummy or daddy. 
Yes..n yes..a saving is indeed the most important thing to do this 2012.


The rest is remain history...do u think so? Oh no..i need to do some changes to myself too.
No night out if can..i really need to change my "night-life"..Get more sleep n rest well. No more "WEEKEND's HANGOVER" on Monday or any other day. I guess it is enough... well..i guess it is kinda hard for me to 100% forget about it or the correct word is to stop it...slow..slow..hehe..i still can go but make it less..less than last year..**every year always the same words..LESS THAN LAST YEAR..LOL** but it never did..in fact the number is getting more n more..:P

be more matured..heee...i guess i am still acting likes those 5 or 6 years old..**pstt..i am a preschool teacher myself..** i guess being childish n playful is SO OKKKK!!


sleep more...eat less...i mean more healthy food, healthy diet n exercise more..maintain my weight below 50kgs...all my effort will be worthless if i eat n eat but didn't exercise..so EXERCISE regularly!!
less ice cream..less chocolate..more fruit..more veges..even though i don't really eat vegetables! :P
be more prettier than ever...is  a must!! :) be healthier, happier, be more lovable than ever..n most of all love my family n friends more n more..:) 


I really hope..**cross my fingers** this 2012 will be much much much better than 2011..
Btw, i love myself more n more!! 


p/s ~~ God send me my prince charming, so i can be more n more lively!! :P

LOVE THIA!!

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