the sewer system :P

Monday, April 23, 2012

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most

if u didn't cry in 30 seconds watching are HEARTLESS!

watching this makes me sad and at the same time i somehow love this song.

what hurts me the most is watching you walk away from my life..coz for the past fews months we were the closest person ever..:'(

Thursday, April 19, 2012

a day of recovery..:)

i just don't know whether i should stop or just keep playing games with him? well...i admitted that we had a great day today with him. Picked him up from the airport n straight went for my medical checked-up..then we spent our whole evening together...talking about everything. oh my! he made me fall deeply for him. sometimes i just wonder whether he still want me or whether he wanna get rid of our relationship...seriously..when i looked into his eyes..when we kissed..i still can feel the passionated n his love.. oh god..just show me the right way...
the whole night i prayed n prepared myself for a break-up..but Thanks God..i am feeling so happy today. If he is meant for me...God just show me the right way.if he is not..then please makes me be strong for it!
Seriously piggy..i fall in love with u again today..n the exact moment when u hold my hands tight n kissed me..!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

having a feeling towards both sexes is kinda -_-! 
out of 10 peoples..there is 1 or 2 who are &*&*..
finally..i come clean. all this while i never blog about my real attraction. I'm scare they might judge me. This is the reason why i broke up with Mac..i don't have feeling for him anymore coz he asked me to choose...being straight or being this. I chosed to stay. I know it was a tough decision but i knew i have to be true to my own feeling. I know i broke your heart Mac. N i realized how much you loved me. be clear.. i am a bisexual. I am attracted to both sexes. 
seriously..i do like n ever fall for a girl. a girl that really blew me over. she got the best pairs of brown eyes..a cherry-red lips..the cutest round face ever n she got the body that every girl kill for! well..i'll kill anyone just to have that body..don't get me's not that i wanna shag her..i just want a body likes her..that's all. 
well..i did fall in love with her secretly..but i never tell anyone about this except for my own bffs. but they understand me, they just gave me those blur faces n OK..we're done. we're does not mean that our friendship is means that they have to swallow this awful truth. 
i did kissed a girl..if u guys wonder.. yes..i did.. i kissed a girl. i thought i was gonna lose my head off but just as same as how i kiss my bf! lets just skipped this..well it's just a kiss!
till now..i still attracted to girl.. i used to mesmerize their beauty n their gracefulness. i know..i'm not one of them..that's why i adore these qualities. n seriously..i wanna protect them from all those merciless n heartless blocks! 
hell yeah...i never know what is happening to me right now...but seriously..every time i feel so heartbroken or having a bad day with guy, the more i'm into my lesbi side. i guess my other half helps me to go through all the HELL that guys gave to me. i wanna feel loved n love someone but i usually failed. My other half just told me to be wise n strong. even i failed many times but there is always sunshine after rained. it helps me to forget all the things that guys ever did to me. make me more appreciated n loves myself more. its not normal but i'm happy to have this other side of me. it helps me to be strong.

Preparing myself for a heartbreak..

prepare yourself for a heartbreak? seriously?? Likes no one ever do this i guess.. tehee...i am doing this..
i gonna end so soon..maybe tomorrow or maybe tonight..or maybe next week.. i just have to prepare myself for this. great.. be honest..i am not well-prepared..seriously...i'm still hoping but hell yeah..i'm sick of hoping..n i know i got to be back instantly..back to reality!
trying to stay calm..positive..happy n try to get it all in my own control! to be in control actually!
yes..i know..with God's willing n determination..i'm sure..i gonna go through this with arms wide open..
eemm...maybe i'll be crying but not for long i guess coz i've been crying for the past few weeks..n i realized this relationship is not going anywhere..coz u got her..thank you for every single things that u h=gave me..all the moments we had are the best n always gonna be the sweetest memoirs ever.
promise myself to be strong, stay calm n be optimistic! tehheeeee! :)
I am prepare even i'm not 100%!

I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to:

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Being loved by someone you love is a bless but being in love with someone who don’t love you back is pathetic.
Where can I run n hide? Where can I go?
Can you love me? Can I be yours?
How pathetic is that..To ask someone that u love to love u back.
A cruel world to me..sometimes I blame myself for falling in love.. I should have been more heartless. Likes what Ian’s told me. Harden your heart as hard as the rock.. is easy to be said but not to be done. Especially when u were in a relationship for the past 5 years. The feeling of needing and wanted to be love is always there with me.
They say u can’t break heart that are already broken..wrong…you can..the broken pieces will turn to ashes n dusts..
This thing is really stress me out. I told myself that I won’t miss you but I remember what it’s feel right beside you.
Maybe this is the price that I got for all the sins that I’ve made before. I really need courage n strength to get through all the tests that u have given up to me. I try not to cry but how long could i stand?
I gonna live my life no matter what happen..even when I really want stop hoping..stop trying.. No matter how hard I hard I hard I never that easy to me. God just send me your blessing n help me to be strong. Help me in my mission to have a better life. I know that everything happened for reason. I accept it if he is not meant for me even I really wish that I could be with him.
God bless him for who he is. He will always be my piggy. I will always remember all the good things n happy moments that we had.

I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to:

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Gossip Girls XOXO!

My partner in crime..
My best girlfriend..
My fashion-police..
My gossip girl..
My best friend..
My shopping partner..
My sister in God..
My enemy..
My rival..
My biased..
My other half..
My bride-maid to be..
My Valentine..
My joy..
My love..
My true friend!
Only death do us apart..:)


Can i curse him to death?

can't sleep...sigh...
deep down my heart is full of anger...deep down i wanna curse him...but hell yeah..i's not a good thing to do...
how can i deal with this? feel wanna go n slash his fresh meat with a sharp samurai...
i wish i can! this wound is bleeding again!
traumatic! i feel wanna rip my heart out n feeling heartless all the time..

i'm no God...n God would never do such thing likes i wish to do.. i just can pray to god n help me to get through this... stop my my tears from dropping out again n again..every single day hoping for your text..just a text is enough to make me smile...even just to say..YAYA PIGGY! damn..i hate myself..falling for someone who is not mine...every day i pray to Him to help me so that i won't be this hurt... me the way to move on n be likes before..
every night..i feel like i'm an astronaut..sending SOS from this lonely planet n hoping to come down to meet the other earthling..rather than being all alone in this dusty planet..