Hinder - Without You

This song been lingering in my mind...it does remind me of you....

I guess i'm fine without you...

What...7 years plus..likes OMG! what have i done...it is only me to be blame or who...geez...if only my past relationship never end up..we could have been 6 years now...i just wish we never end up..coz he is the reason i become this...he made my life tumble upside down..how i wish i could rebuild our relationship sometimes..so i won't end up being the third person...now...haiz..i know how bad it is being the third person a.k.a SNATCHER! 


coz my past relationship..my true love was snatched away from me..by the third person...n that made me hurt so much..until now..it was never that easy to forgive n forget..sometimes it lingers in my mind..tears falling down...heart felt the pain..the wound bleeds again..well i guess it is true..it takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.


boy..u made me fall for you..you treat me likes your own..you gave me what it called LOVE..you care for me..you made me laugh..you sacrificed your time for me..you made me miss you..you made me smile..n most important, your kiss makes me feel in love..deeply in love..i try my best to avoid this but i was to weak for this..


i am so sorry girl for doing this to you...i never meant to do this...yes..i fall for him..but i know..he is yours..he will never be mine...i promise i will back off..even i know it is hard to do that coz i keep on falling n falling into him..just please give me a chance to love him..to care for him..even from far..


I'M GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE ME BACK, JUST LET ME LOVE YOU..

My heart can't lie but my mind plays trick on me..

The hardest thing in life is when u have to decide what is the best for u n those around u..

Your heart says it is right but your mind just says NO..that what make it difficult!

Whether u make it follow what your heart says or making the right choice with a rational thinking..

I just couldn't decide what should i do..which should i follow...my heart or my mind?

My heart just can't deny how much i want him..how much i miss him..how much i fall for him..how much i need him by my side...i just can't lie that i don't need him at all.

I miss his laugh, i miss his kiss, i miss his smile, i miss his jokes..n i miss him in every single way.

My mind said the opposite..he's not mine...he is owned by other. He will never can't be mine..coz if he do..i will end up breaking those fragile hearts around him. I don't wanna be the sharp knife of a short life. I don't want to hurt those around him. 

But still, i can't decide what i should do..which should i follow..i hate to see him sad but i don't want to hurt those around him. The guiltiness in me is really making me feeling insecure n paranoid. I don't want to end this relationship but i know i can't be with him forever. He is not mine..n never can't be mine..

I don't want to be a murderer. I am so sorry for doing this. Even i know it is so hard for me to let you go but i know i need to let you go one day..:'(

God..please shows me the right way..gives me your light to get through this dark path..send me an angel to guide me in this life. God, i just want him to know i will always love n remember him forever even we are not meant to be ONE..:)

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The best time i can cry myself out is when i'm driving alone from school..i would drive n crying at the same time..
the only place i can cry alone without no one knowing it... i just don't know to who should i share my problems..i rather cry all alone in the car.
fake a smile and try myself to be happy..
5 days a week..i guess i cry in every single day after work....
I just wish i could tell someone how i feel...what in my mind...but i don't know to who i should...n i end up hurting myself...i just couldn't do..n i hate myself...LOVEY-DOVEY mode is always there with me..everyday..I just hate myself for this...
Cry..cry...can u feel it in my eyes that i actually crying inside...i may look happy but yeah..i'm too good to be true..
I cry inside but i never show it to u..i will always make myself to be funny n act silly..i guess i never that lucky likes her..like them..like u..! I try to cope up with thing n try to be someone better..
I just hold on to my faith n try to be the happiest girl..try my best to make myself smile n laugh even i know sometimes it's FAKE..

Untitled.

is it wrong for me to love someone's else lover? I fall in love...is it wrong for me to fall in love?  is it wrong for me to have feeling towards him? well..i guess..it is true..that love is BLIND..u never know who u will fall for..who will u in love with..
i wish he is mine..but i know u are someone's else. i don't have the right to own u...
you're presence still lingers here..your kiss..your touch..your smile...i just could not forget that..they just too much of time cannot erase..

i feel likes a BITCH for doing this..having feeling towards you..snatching him from his love's one!.oh did i?.yes..i did..betrayed the trust n faith that they built years n years...God just help me to forget him and move on.. i don't wanna be the 3rd person. i don't want to ruin his relationship. i'm just a stranger passing by...please help me to move away n carry on with my own life.
give me way..give me the right choice..give me someone who can save me..i just don't want to ruin his relationship. i know how it feel when your relationship is ruin by the 3rd person..it really does hurt me that much..

i do believe in KARMA..n i'm scare it might come back to me one day.  Just give me a way to walk away from this. I love him but does he loves me? Or am i just a passer by in his life? when i'm with him, i feel secure, i feel so in love. he treats me likes his own..he makes me feel so happy n most of all, he makes me laugh a lot.:)

hummm..i thank you God for giving me chance to be with him even it is just a while n i know it is so wrong..but i really hope i will find someone else to love me..

I'm so sorry but yes..i love you even i know i am wrong!

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2012

2012 is finally here..

Thank You God for this new year. 
Thank you coz i'm still breathing, still alive, still talking, still walking, still moving, still thinking, still smilling, still laughing  and still eating likes a lil piggy of coz!!.
Thank you for making me for who i am.


 My new year resolution ~~ i guess it is still gonna be the same. I mean some of last year are still...hanging by the thread..**mission impossible never finish** I guess i have to RECYCLE all those unfinished monkey business again n again n again till i grow old..HAHA..


This year i gonna start up with my saving..for the past 3 years, i end up being the foolish shopaholic ever.. i spent my cash till the last penny without even thinking of what gonna happen in the future. I need..i mean i really need to save money this year..who know i might get married soon..n what happen if i don't even have saving..? All my dream wedding will gone just likes that. I can't just depending on mummy or daddy. 
Yes..n yes..a saving is indeed the most important thing to do this 2012.


The rest is remain history...do u think so? Oh no..i need to do some changes to myself too.
No night out if can..i really need to change my "night-life"..Get more sleep n rest well. No more "WEEKEND's HANGOVER" on Monday or any other day. I guess it is enough... well..i guess it is kinda hard for me to 100% forget about it or the correct word is to stop it...slow..slow..hehe..i still can go but make it less..less than last year..**every year always the same words..LESS THAN LAST YEAR..LOL** but it never did..in fact the number is getting more n more..:P

be more matured..heee...i guess i am still acting likes those 5 or 6 years old..**pstt..i am a preschool teacher myself..** i guess being childish n playful is SO OKKKK!!


sleep more...eat less...i mean more healthy food, healthy diet n exercise more..maintain my weight below 50kgs...all my effort will be worthless if i eat n eat but didn't exercise..so EXERCISE regularly!!
less ice cream..less chocolate..more fruit..more veges..even though i don't really eat vegetables! :P
be more prettier than ever...is  a must!! :) be healthier, happier, be more lovable than ever..n most of all love my family n friends more n more..:) 


I really hope..**cross my fingers** this 2012 will be much much much better than 2011..
Btw, i love myself more n more!! 


p/s ~~ God send me my prince charming, so i can be more n more lively!! :P

LOVE THIA!!

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C21 - You are stuck in my heart

You are stuck in my heart...

Likes counting a million stars...

for any reason, you are always in my heart..:)